Hello, Hi, Howareya?

I'm sorry I haven't updated in such a long time. It's actually been due to the fact that I have been super busy and also because I hate to write journals when I haven't submitted any artwork in a while. Makes me feel all...Facebookie...

DARTHBISCUIT EXPLAINS THE NEWS:

I implore people who are living in the good old U.S. of A to PLEASE ignore TV news. It is no better than supermarket tabloids now and you can't trust it. It's all accusations, wild opinions (Which, BTW, any journalism teacher will tell you, opinions have no place in the press. Only fact.) and "pundits". (Pundit more or less means self proclaimed expert, by the way.) If you are concerned with the news then check the associated press or the National News service. (The former of which is available on the News Channel on your Nintendo Wii, BTW) These are truly unbiased reports simply becasue their survival doesn't depend on ratings. It's a known marketing fact that negativity and outrage will always get better ratings than level headed-ness and good news. Sadly enough.
In an effort to show what I mean, I will now explain three major news stories in good old plain biscuity english. Minus the fear mongering and yelling! Then we'll get to some reviews! Yay.

1) Health Care Reform.

What you see on TV: Old, beady eyed men with loose jowels and big mouths screaming about socialism and death panels while at a town hall meeting. Commercials talking about congress' fast sell and the new $300 billion in heathcare taxes.

The realness.
As someone who works in the healthcare business, I can tell you that it is screwed up. In the late 80's and the 90's the gov., in an effort to steamline healthcare, passed a law saying that medical facilities had to contract with one equipment/drug provider. This means that once the contract is inked, the provider can charge whatever they want. Hence the hospital charges you $40 for a bedpan and $29 for a Tylenol. One of the goals is to reopen medical facilitys ability to shop around. Meaning no more having to pay one company $50 for an insulin syringe when this other company might sell it for $7. Meaning competition drives prices down. The other goal is to make a government run insurance company that, while lacking the freedom of private providers, will be MUCH cheaper, or even free if youre eligible! This will drive down insurance costs, (Which are HEAVILY padded) and let the 78% of us under 30's (Most of us on DA) who are uninsured be able to afford it. If your'e happy with your provider, you can keep it. And your insurance premiums will go down! The 300 billion dollars in taxes is technically accurate, but that's over a ten year period, and we pay private insurers 18 times more than that! Oh, and the old men who you see at the "grassroots" rallys and town hall meetings?, Flamers employed by Insurace companies. (Most of the time, sometimes it's just a random crazy) It's not even a secret! They sponsor the rallies! Oh, and for the people who say the Gov. can't handle health care: Medicare and Medicaid have a frikkin 96% satisfation rate! Thats actually quite staggering.

The Swine Flu.

What you hear: It is an epidemic! thousands are dieing! Gaaaaaaahhhh!

The realness:

The swine flu has broken out before. It is just a slightly LESS volatile version of the flu. Thats right. Less. The "Swine flu epidemic" has killed around 300 people in North America so far. The regular flu kills 10,000 annually. Every year the media feels it needs to scare it's viewers with a new pandemic. Last year it was MRSA. (You already have it. It's so common it's in everybodys system already. If you are already sick, and stay that way for a prolonged period of time, then it can cause trouble. It's such a weak disease that a healthy body can fight it off without ill effect pretty much indefinately.) The year before that, SARS. (A bad chest cold, us Americans call it.) Before that, the Bird flu. It started with the incredible ratings Mad Cow Disease coverage earned on CNN (BTW, you can really only get THAT if you eat your cow brains raw...) now they have to have something new every year. Next year it'll probably be Chinese Whooping cough or something... Wash your hands, Cook your food and you'll be fine. (Gabe from Penny Arcade survived, didn't he!)

Stimulus Plan.

What you hear: Barack's ruined us! Our children will be paying for this forever! It's a waste of money to be spent on greedy polititians personal projects! Why don't they just close down the crooked banks?

The realness:

You actually don't hear much about the stimulus plan anymore. Why? Because it's working. And good news, as I have stated, is boring. It was supposed to create 13 million new jobs. Experts say it will probably create 30 million. It was supposed to start paying for itself in four years. Anyone who can see the debt clock in New York knows its nearly half paid back already. It was supposed to help the enviroment. Plans to rebuild the railway system, (America being the only modern country with out a major one now) will get hundreds of thousands of trucks off the highway. (The drivers will still have jobs, trains don't go everywhere.) Plans to pave roads with lighter material and paint roofs white, reflecting sunlight and being the equivilent of 11 million cars taken off the road? Paid for with the stimulus package. Oh, and about those greedy polititians? One of the Presidents first acts was to pass an executive order banning the Private Project earmark. In other words the reason so many polititians whined about the package was that they didn't get any of it! Unfortunately, the explanation for the for the banks not being closed down is not so happy. You've probably heard the phrase, "To big to fail"? Well, that means that if they let those big, crooked banks fail, (especially Capital one) then all of the companies they support would have failed. That means *ahem* COMPLETE ECONOMIC COLLAPSE!!! So, the feds had to save them, albiet with a prerequisite firm kick to the ass. Still, they got off pretty darned light.:[

Well, thats all I know I guess... It's a bit scattered, but I hope it's helpful.

Also, I know this reads like a big Obama Ass kissing session, but it's not. He's done some things I don't agree with and taken quite a few big risks. BUT I like the fact that he's TRYING. It never really felt like Bush was trying to do anything not self serving. Yet Obama's working his ass off to try and fix things. As long as he keeps trying, I'll keep hoping. (also, Kanye West IS a Jackass, all flies need squishin' and I desperately want the new camaro he made Chevy build.)

Now for the Biscuit review!

G.I. Joe

Barf.
The ONLY redeemable thing about this movie is the ninjas. Seriously. When everyone in your film is out acted by a Wayans Brother, You should shelve it. I mean, Have you ever actually heard of a movie where the villian actually says, "You and what army!?!" Or, "IT HAS ONLY JUST BEGUN! BWA-HA-HA!!!" Geez.

Are you serious? It don't get not one single Cock.

Ponyo

I am so grateful that this movie came along to help me get the taste of "GI JOE" out of my mouth! It's wonderful! Amazing animation, great characters, awesome dub! It just makes you feel all happy inside. If this movie is still playing anywhere as a matinee, please go see it. It is just beautiful.
Five out of Five cocks up!


This is where the review for "9" should be, but It didn't show in any theaters around here. D: Soooooooo...

Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs

Wow. I was so suprised by this. I've not laughed so hard at a cartoon since "The Emperors New Groove"! Not only is it beautifully animated, but the humor is just so... Out there that you can't help but do this: Stare, Blink, Blink, Laugh until you piss. My favorite part? Two: "lick, lick, lick..." and The Dad's Eyebrows. To know what I'm talking about, go see it.

Five slightly soiled Cocks WAY up!


Okami

The wonderful, amazing, terrific, beautiful, splendiferus, Super Strong, Telekinetic got me this for my birthday! Admittedly, I've not played it as much as I would like because I HAVE NO TIME, But from what I have played, it's absolutely amazing! So much creativity! This game is one of the best arguments for games as art there is! Also, did I mention Badkarma was great?
Five Pre-emptive Cocks up!


Metroid Prime trilogy

Gaming bargain of the century. I actually suggest getting a Wii to play this game. One of the problems I have with FPS' on other systems is that the Alien Worlds look like a big old desert, or the inside of a warehouse. Plus everything is grey and you know I hate that. But in these games the world actually FEELS alien. The architecture and the atmosphere. Plus the gameplay is great too. Plus, as a bonus they've improved the graphics on the first two games, fixed the controls, and fixed the problems with the second one. Really, if you can, get this. It's awesome. Having to choose between this and Okami every time I get to Play, (Which isn't often since Got ODST) is Torture.
Because it's three great games I have to give it 15 cocks up!


Naruto
Raikage= awesome
Sasuke= Super Douche
Gaara= pimp
Tobi telling Naruto that Revenge is Sasuke's Ninja way= pricless

Bleach
KUBO! Stop killing off the top three Espada in one chapter fights, dammit!!!

One Piece
Mind bogglingly awesome, as usual. You almost wish it would be bad just once to break the monotony of awesomness...

Well, off to bed. Later days!

P.S. Everybody draw Bacon Cthulhu!